Glory Be to God for Dappled Things:
The Fatal Flaw in Makeover Madness
©Christine Olinger for Ladybug Flights-Body Image

Reality television has become the scourge of America. It is an unhealthy addiction plaguing many, a sickly obsession claiming millions. In recent ratings wars a sub-trend has emerged: makeover wars.

It began with a certain degree of legitimacy. Extreme Makeover was the first, a show in which “normal” folk competed for the privilege to be made over. Though the selection process seemed humiliating, many of these makeover subjects appeared to have a genuine beef: facial deformity, drastic weight loss leaving excess skin behind, painful denture issues. There were, of course, also cosmetic concerns and wishes, but we're all human. If any of us were given carte blanche at the plastic surgeon we'd make changes that might not seem necessary.

Of course, the tone of things changed. Dr. Phil may be hiding behind the concept of weight loss, but his Weight Loss Challenge is nothing more than a makeover show with him yelling at the participants and filming the humiliation. Far be it from Phil to miss an opportunity to whore himself and those he claims to be helping for ratings.

MTV, who really started a great deal of this reality mess with The Real World, is airing I Want a Famous Face. In this warped docu-slimery pathetic individuals go through multiple surgeries in order to look like their favorite celebs. The participants are very young, very determined, and clearly in need of counseling. Getting them counseling wouldn't be profitable, however, so they get film crews in stead.

The Swan, a makeover show that culminates in a beauty pageant, has revealed the cut-throat side of personal transformation. Fox television is not content to make some women over. They want a catfight. They want a pageant. Even the newly beautiful can become losers. It is a show designed to set up people with low self esteem by elevating them to new heights of positive self image only to rip the platform out from under those brand new high heels so that America can point and laugh as they fall. Nice.

Unfortunately for the naive viewer, legitimate plastic surgeons are quick to warn that makeover shows manipulate results. Nose bumps are among the easiest flaws to remove. Chin implants create dramatic but quick results. Expensive dental procedures are becoming quicker every day. These are the procedures that dominate the dramatic looks achieved by makeover shows. They select the most ideal candidates for the quickest, most dramatic results. The candidates are photographed in their worst possible light (without makeup or, in many cases, even the majority of their clothing).

Makeover shows feature white participants with medium to light skin or black participants with dark to very dark skin. This is because those with olive or mid-tone skin are likely to scar. They feature individuals between the ages of 30 and 45 in drastically higher numbers. This is because healing is more likely to occur naturally and quickly in this age group. They feature healthy men and women with no significant issues such as diabetes, high blood pressure, or other chronic illnesses. This is because, while more Americans with these conditions would be likely to seek a makeover. Diabetes, heart disease, even chronic high blood pressure can cause damage to skin, bones, and can cause hair loss. Yet none of them would be good candidates, since their medical conditions often encourage scarring, slow healing, and make surgical procedures more dangerous.

The point? There is no reality in the reality makeover craze. They are best case scenarios manipulated for the cameras, and they are not accessible to everyone. The trend is yet another assault on the collective self esteem of America. None of us is good enough. The bump in your nose does NOT give you character; it's a flaw. The overlap in your teeth is NOT charming; it's a flaw. The roll of your tummy is NOT a badge of honor symbolizing the birth of your children; it's a flaw. Fix it, fix it, fix it! Carve it off, shave it down, cover it up, or you will be less than, marked as unfit, substandard, flawed.

Ridiculous standards, of course. Reality television presents us with something that LOOKS LIKE reality but isn't. This is very important to remember. We can't all be made over, and we shouldn't want to be. Beauty may well be perceived as perfect symmetry, but charm and grace, style and flair, are the things that hold interest long after the first aesthetic impression is made. Gerard Manley Hopkins, my favorite poet, comes to mind:

Fashion magazines, Hollywood makeup moguls, the airbrushers and backlighters of the world would bleach an appaloosa pony, cover the black cap on a goldfinch, take a grand tour of Ireland on a freckle removing mission. Such a world, devoid of speckles, freckles, bumps, and blotches, would be antisceptic and dull.